OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
