just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize