She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
