It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
