Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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