at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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