I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize