I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
