kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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