When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
