I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
