What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
