yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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