She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
