worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
