i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He passed out mid-signature
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
