Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
