I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
