i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
