when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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