She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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