she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
