you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
