Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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