The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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