guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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