all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
