I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
