omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i now understand why vodka
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
