im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
