Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
