look no pants
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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