you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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