Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
