Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize