the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
