The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
