finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
