I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
