I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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