my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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