She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
