Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
