forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
