the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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