dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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