So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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