just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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