You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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