My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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