so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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