He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
