So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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