Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
