Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
