I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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