You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize