i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
