He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
