Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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