no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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