That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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