Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's never too late to be topless.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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