My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
