Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
