My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
