She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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