New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
