At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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