that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
