Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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