Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's like iHOP with fire
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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