hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
