I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
